It's All Me =)

I am incredibly frustrated. It is simply one thing after another anymore. I am trying my best to do what I need to do, so that I can one day be exactly where I want to be. As of lately, if feels like everyone is judging me. I’m not doing this right, or that right, or I don’t know what I am doing, or I am too immature or I run away from everything. I am at the end of my rope right now.
I am trying to find myself a career and not some day to day job. I don’t want to stay in the town I live in forever. I want to one day move away and do my own thing again. I feel like I am being held back where I am now because there is simply no demand for my profession unless I want to bust my rear for minimum wage and no recognition… I did that for nearly 4 years and I was miserable. Right now, I am headed right back to that same spot in life and it simply cannot happen.
I work almost every day of the week, I am fortunate to have one full day off. I enjoy both jobs and one of them I had considered taking to a corporate level. I like my coworkers at both locations and I try my best to do my best every day. Some days will be better than others, that is just the way life goes. Neither of these jobs are careers, however. At least, not careers for me. I wont stay at a job where I know I wont go anywhere, or where I know I will not want to stay with for a long period of time.
I consider life to be an adventure, a journey in which one will learn, explore, and come to define themselves through the chances they’ve taken and the paths they have traveled. I feel that since getting back, that sense of adventure and general excitement in life has vanished. The most excitement I seemingly feel is when I grab the keys and drive myself somewhere I have never been. I miss living in North Carolina… every single day was different, nothing was the same. The people were different, the scene was different… everything about it felt like home aside from the fact that I lived far from my friends and family.
This post may not make a great deal of sense, nor will many read it which is just fine. I am having a rough time right now and when that happens… well, these posts pop up. I am going to start working on my future, to get where I want to be, to do what I want to do. I know it wont happen for me here and I think that I am going to be okay with that. I need a positive change in my life and if I have to do it on my own, then so be it.

I am sick of games. I am sick of the run around, false promises, and hidden agendas. I do not need anyone watching what I do, where I go, or monitoring who I talk/communicate with. I do not understand why I am an adult and yet seemingly, I have a tight leash when it comes to personal freedom. I work my ass off and have since the day I moved out. I have made some great decisions and bad ones as well, but it is all a part of growing up. I wish I could live in a world without judgement and bias. A world filled with people who just take life as it comes, see things in a similar light as myself, and do not judge ones failures or short comings. I do not ask pity, I am not begging for help, I do not need charity. What I need, is to be allowed to live a life I am proud of. One that allows me to work hard for what I have and earn what I am given.
This is a simple and yet random rant on how I feel as of lately. I try so hard to impress other people, that I have fallen short on trying to impress myself. I try so hard to make others see me in a light that I want them to see me, and yet in doing so, they know very little about who I really am. That is all about to change. To the guy I know who came into my work today and gave me the “wow, I went to school with this guy and this is where he is in life look,” fuck off. I am damn proud of where I work. I am happy to be in an environment that challenges and accepts me. So while you sit at your tiny ass desk, working on some office computer doing work that you hate, I will be working with people I enjoy, and having a damn good time while doing so. A part of my life is making other people happy and by God so help me, if I can apply that to my work and make it a career, so be it. At least I will have excelled at what I do and enjoy in life.

More to come…

Wish me luck! First day working for Starbucks, LTD is about to begin! So very excited for what is coming! I am hoping to make it far and move up in the company there.

Change sure has come my way in 2012. I made the decision to leave my week job after a few things happened. I feel that it is the best decision for me and I think I can find something that better suits what I am looking for. Here is the first step in going for my dreams!